One thing I really don't like happening is running into people I used to know from high school. You see, it's not that I didn't enjoy high school, cause I did to a degree. Like most teenage girls, I was terribly insecure and did most of the things that I did in an effort to fit in. I graduated from Grapevine High School seven years ago, and I haven't kept in touch with any of my old friends. It's not like we just lost touch...I just didn't care to have contact with my friends after I left high school. When I went to Howard Payne, it was because no one I knew was going there and I could have a fresh start and focus on being truly me. So, needless to say, when people that I used to know pop up unexpectedly, I do everything in my power to avoid talking to them. Yes...I have been known to hide behind a car when I see someone in a parking lot.
The other day I was helpless to avoid this situation, however. I have picked up some extra hours at Starbucks in Target. On Tuesday when I was working, the only one there might I add, I noticed a girl I knew from high school approaching. I froze. I did not want to see her or talk to her. It's not that I didn't like her, I just hate the awkwardness of "hi, how are you. what have you been up to?". Really...do they expect me to sum up the last 7 years of my life in 30 seconds. Anyway, being the only barista on shift, I had no choice to be serve her and play the game of acting like I cared what she had been doing with her life. The whole encounter lasted about 3 minutes. I found out she had married her high school sweetheart three years ago and has been touring with him around the country as her pursues a record deal. Then she asked me...."So, how do you like working for Starbucks?". Secretly in the back of my mind I was really hoping she would ask this question. Why? It would give me a chance to explain my situation. I desperately wanted her to know that I was doing more with my life then working at Starbucks. I wasn't just a bum in the world...I was making something of myself. So in about 10 seconds, I informed her I was married, working on my Masters Degree and only working here for extra Christmas cash. I handed her her one pump non fat mocha with whip cream, and she was on her way.
Like I do with all social situations, after she walked away, I replayed the scene in my head. As I was analyzing the encounter, I realized something. It's not that I don't like talking to people, it's not that I am antisocial, and sometimes I really DO care what people have been up to. It is my own pride that prevents me from facing these situations head on. I want people to be impressed with me. I want former friends to know I graduated from college with a real degree, worked two years in the "real world" at a job with salary and benefits, and now I am getting an even better education by being back in school. I want them to think I actually did something with my life. I don't want to be embarrassed by the fact that I am a college educated adult working at Starbucks.
So here I was thinking Pride wasn't something I really struggled all that much with, and God showed me different. While I accept the fact that right now I am in lingo and on my way to something grand, I need to be content with where I am. I need to remember that this time in my life, like my past and future successes, are all planned out and perfected by God. Instead of Pride, I need patience.
3 comments:
When I talk to my grandparents, I always end up bringing up the issue of how we're doing fine financially, and how we're saving or planning or whatever. It's not that it's always on my mind; it's that I feel my grandparents think "oh what a sacrifice...they must be poor as church mice to do what they're doing" and I don't want them to feel sorry for me. So I know how you feel. :)
Of course, I like it when they send me random money....
That derned Pride is always cropping up when you least expect it! I once heard a wise pastor say that all sin can be traced to either pride or fear... I think that's true. I can certainly relate to your feelings here and have experienced them myself a hundred thousand times.
Evidence of your growing sanctification and humility however is that you are brave enough to share this story!
ps (I think you mean "limbo" not "lingo"!) :) :)
thanks Karen for your honesty! I have many thots in regards to what you shared. And yes, I agree w/Rachel, all sin leads back to pride.....hmmmm yuck! carolgrams
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