Back to the grindstone. Dave started school yesterday, and I start back to school tomorrow. It is my last academic year working on my Masters Degree. That means this time next year I will actually be able to enjoy the fall and not stress about papers, readings, and grades. I am so ready for an "adult" life.....a job that pays me more for my education, contributing to our household, and hopefully planning out a future including starting a family. While I am treated like an adult at school, I don't do the same things on a day to day basis that my peers do. While they are working, making money, raising kids, and contributing to their families, I read endless journal articles, write countless papers, and usually end up falling asleep in the afternoon because of boredom. I tend to not leave the house for days at a time, stay in my sweats and work out shorts, and can feel a bit depressed by the end of the week. I am ready for variety, adult interaction and conversation during the day, and responsibility that extends beyond feeding the dog. At work I am not treated as an adult. I have a boss who is overbearing and controlling, and the biggest responsibility I have is to make sure that my customers are "in and out in less than 3 minutes". I am so thankful that the Lord has provided for me in all ways so that I can further my education, but I am ready for the next phase of my life to begin. I am ready for adulthood. I am ready to excel.
What is so strange about these feelings is that a little over a year ago, I felt completely different. I had an opportunity to take a fantastic, well paying and very adult job. It would have given me everything I would have asked for in a career. As I considered going forward with it, I realized that I wasn't ready for responsibility. I liked being home and not doing much, just handling school work and the occasional work opportunity. I didn't want to give up my freedom. Now, almost 18 months later, I'd kill for that opportunity to come up again. I could say the same thing regarding my attitudes towards having kids. 18 months ago if we were to get pregnant, I think my initial reaction would have been fear rather than excitement. I didn't want kids 18 months ago, and now, if the Lord decided to perform such a miracle, I would welcome it with open arms. It's interesting to think about these things in my life and see how the Lord continues to change me, work in my life, grow me and mold me into a new person each day,even when I don't expect it. It makes me thankful that He is in charge and not me. If I had to do all this on my own, I'd be totally messed up!
If you feel so moved to comment, I would love to hear how the Lord has changed you.
2 comments:
While I am not exactly your peer (maybe a senior to your freshman...) your job description as a student sounds a lot like my job as a (somewhat) stay at home mom. "I tend to not leave the house for days at a time, stay in my sweats and work out shorts, and can feel a bit depressed by the end of the week. I am ready for variety, adult interaction and conversation during the day, and responsibility that extends beyond feeding the dog. At work I am not treated as an adult." Just change out "dog" for "kid" and there you go! :) But either way, you are definitely providing for your family wherever you work! God is good to us all and gives us what we can handle when we can handle it. Good luck in this exciting last stretch of school.
I was just about to comment, but then I read Stephanie's comment. So I'll just say, "ditto!!" I laughed reading about your days, thinking the same thing as Stephanie...that sounds a lot like my life. If you ever want some variety, give me a call! You can come over anytime. The girls will be happy to sing to you their latest version of "Old MacDonald." Just a warning...farm animals have been exchanged for bodily functions.
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